just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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