When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
