But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
