It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
