I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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