Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
