he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
