Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
