Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
