i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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