Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
