Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
