Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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