there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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