I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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