Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
