I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
