$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
