You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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