this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize