i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
