She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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