Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize