Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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