I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
