I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
