I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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