you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize