Me too!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Someone came in the potted fern
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
