Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
