dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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