I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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