I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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