soooo we both peed the bed last night...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
