I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
