My sheets look like a crime scene.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
