There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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