I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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