im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
