what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
