So drunk its hurt
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
