when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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