when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
