This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
