Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
