I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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