I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
