after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
