Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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