Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
