also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize