it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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