Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My feet surprised me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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