I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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