He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
