WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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