Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
