I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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