She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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