Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found the puke drawer
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
