hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
