Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
