i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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