I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
